Artisans most of the time, are entrepreneurs, therefore, man must eat. Knowing there are different types of entrepreneurship, therefore, these artisans are popular whenever there is a need to acquire entrepreneurship skills because they play a big part in providing vocational services and creating revenue in Nigeria. The only downside is that these guys tend to lie often, sometimes consciously or subconsciously. A lie is a lie.
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Tailor
The tailor is number one on this list because they lie without remorse. Tailors are artisans however, it is no longer clear what their craft is, clothes making or lying, they tend to do both well, however they lie better. The lies people tell can sway you, however, the lies tailors tell will leave you feeling helpless and sorry. A tailor feels no remorse when they lie, from you get measured, make an advance payment and they tell you your outfit will be ready in a week, it is a big fat lie. That outfit will not be ready in a week and when you ask why they will plead for an extension. The caring ones will offer an explanation, but the horrible tailors simply become ghosts, nowhere to be found. Tailors can be so bad; your clothes won’t be ready the day you need it. This is not exaggerated, people have shed tears for this. The best way to deal with tailors is to give them a nearer date of delivery, this gives room for disappointments. The common lies tailors tell include: “your material did not remain”, “I lost one of my uncles”, “I just went to bury my mother”, “I am even in the shop putting finishing touches as we speak”, “I can do it, trust me.” Once you hear any of the above, run.
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Mechanic
Your mechanic is your best friend and worst enemy, this is because devil you know is better than the angel you don’t know. Your mechanic is who will come to your aid when your car or generator perhaps develops a fault. To a large extent, you depend on them. somehow, they have a way of telling what’s wrong with a car by the sound of the car. “Madam start the car, off it, on it again, oya off it let me hear. Madam, it’s the radiator”, ring a bell? The process is hilarious, but you won’t find the humour when you are in such a situation. Some mechanics tend to find out what is wrong with a car, probably overstate the cost of fixing it and will just do a patchwork. Within two weeks to a month, that same problem will reoccur. Sometimes, your mechanic may only fix half of the problem, so when the second problem arises you will give them another call. When a mechanic has gotten what they want from you and you have discovered their game, do not bother calling, your mechanic is not in town.
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Electrician
First of all, the electrician will not respond to your call if nothing costly is involved. Electricians have their niche when it comes to lies. Some stick to the fuse, others stick to the light fixture, some stick burnt wires, anything to get the money. Some electricians stick to a fixed price, once the work they’ve done does not work, they suddenly travel out of town. Slowly and surely, the carpenters will stop lying, as ready-made woodwork is now widely available.
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Repairman
When I say the repairman, I don’t mean the regular maintenance man, I mean the phone repairer. Those people can lie for Africa. Back in the day, their modus operandi was to tell a customer that their phone was completely bad, that is after something important had been removed from it. Nowadays, they don’t really care about taking your device, a bit of extra cash will do, therefore, the bag eggs often charge customers for more than what the device needs to be fully functional. At times, the repairman could tell you he would buy a whole new part, whereas yours was never broken. It’s a cold world and what’s broken can never be repaired.
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Carpenter
The carpenter is not as much of a habitual liar like his/her counterparts. What they lie about are the materials they are going to buy, the cost and the length to which they have to go to buy it. This is the reason why these days, people would rather contract their carpentry needs to a not so small business knowing it could be overpriced, as opposed to the one person handling a local carpentry workshop. The locals are just as talented, however, the fascination towards these lies comes from the fact that you can tell from the onset that you have been cheated.
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Driver
photo via naija.com
Hats off for the lies every private driver has told. The lies are repetitive but they get away with it still. Most drivers in Nigeria lie because many at times, they are in charge of the vehicles and whatever needs to be done concerning vehicles. From lying they bought fuel to lying with the mechanics, drivers deserve today’s tea. When you send the driver on an errand and he/she comes back late, they will most likely tell you they encountered all forms of detours, including marine spirits on the way to and from the errand. Another popular line is “I bought X amount of fuel”, chances her the driver pocketed half of the money. Not all drivers commit these acts, the special ones do. If these drivers really want to hurt your feelings, they will tell you they are almost at your pickup location, whereas, they aren’t even close but we’ve got to love them right.
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Hairstylist/ Barber
Customer: This is the style I want
Stylist: This style, I know it, is it not X
Customer: yes, I hope you can do it. Can you do it?
Stylist: Of course, I can do it, trust me, is it not me.
How many of you proceeded to cry after you saw the result of this very dialogue?
